Where am I suppose to be...

I am over here in a country and land that is unfamiliar and unknown. I am feeling numb. My passion is dry, my fire is barely flickering and I am so confused. I have just heard my sweet dog, Tahoe, is acting out and not doing well at home. I want to run home and be with her, be in my comfort zone, be somewhere I have a normal life, have a job, have a social life, have friends and family close by, be able to exercise, walk outside, go running, drive a car, speak the same language, have a soft bed and comfy sheets...ugh. I am struggling and do not know which way is up or down. What is God’s purpose for me being here? What does the future hold? Where am I suppose to be and what am I suppose to be doing? I feel like I have lost all passion. That living day by day is almost like living in survival mode. Am I going to be able to survive? What is the right step? Which direction do I head? Where am I suppose to be?

Prayer Request:

Please pray that God turns Tahoe's uneasiness into complete peace and she becomes adjusted and settled for the next few months until I return. Pray for Marie and Mike Moore as they try to figure out the next steps to help Tahoe and that God will provide the perfect place for her to feel at ease. Please pray that God gives me clarity, direction and wisdom as to where He wants me and that He provides the strength and peace to continue on the path He has planned.

"Don't be afraid, just believe."

~ Mark 5:36

Taking it to the Cross...

This has been a wonderful week serving in Muyinga, Burundi with ALARM and Watermark Church from Dallas, Texas. After greeting the team around 1 am. on Sunday morning, as they arrived in Bujumbura blurred eyed, the Lord was already revealing Himself. Everyone was in great spirits and excited for the coming week in Muyinga, a small town in northeastern Burundi, located about 10 km. from Tanzania. This area is currently saturated with witchcraft and idol worshipping. Needless to say, a great opportunity to share and touch the people of this province.

Over the past week, I have learned a great deal from this dedicated group of 12 individuals from a different area in the US. It is wonderful to see that no matter where we are in the world or where we are from, Christians are committing their time and energy to serve in the Lord’s name, giving their lives to serve Christ and share His Word and Truth, realizing and embracing the need and desire to share the Gospel in all parts of the world and in turn experiencing God work and transform lives in the process.

In Muyinga, two different conferences were being held at the same time; A Women’s Conference consisting of 46 women and a Pastoral Conference consisting of 60 men. This was a unique and encouraging week because the Burundian women attending the Women’s Conference seemed much more educated and knowledgable about the Bible. They were interactive from the first afternoon and were trusting of the American team visiting. Eager to learn more, the women were open to sharing personal stories and being vulnerable to one another, a unique opportunity and experience.

One of the highlights of the week happened at the end of the second day when the women received a Post-it Note and were asked to write down the name of an individual they needed to forgive. They were asked to take it to the Cross, which was drawn on a board in the front of the room. Not knowing whether this would be received well by the attendees, we were in awe of their participation and desire to give and receive forgiveness. As they rushed the Cross, it was as if they could not release their burden fast enough. While some acted quick, others contemplated this big step with deep thought. They did not take the decision lightly and when they finally went to the Cross you could see the pain along with the relief. The burden had been lifted and they were ready to move forward. This moment will remain in my memory as a permit imprint.

As tears of happiness filled my eyes, while my heart also felt the longing to forgive and ask forgiveness within my own life, I witnessed Christ’s work in each of our lives. It still amazes me how each day brings a new understanding of the love of our great Lord. He is continuously working within each of us.

“Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

~ Matthew 11:28-30

Forgiving Others...

This past weekend, I went with Deo (ALARM-Burundi Country Director) and Prosper (ALARM-Burundi Emerging Youth Leader) upcountry to Gitega for the weekend. We were scheduled to hold a Youth Conference at a local school and I had no expectations as to what the time would hold. When we reached Gitega, which is the second largest town in Burundi, the landscape was just beautiful. The air was cooler, the grass was greener and it was so quiet and peaceful.

The next day we headed to the school and were greeted by many smiling faces. The students had decorated the walkway with flower arrangements, which is a sign they use to welcome visitors...it was just beautiful. When we walked in the students were singing and praising the Lord they love. Instantly, you could feel the love in the room.

As Deo and Prosper taught over the next 2 days, the students (approximately 200) were completely soaking up ever bit of information. They were longing for more teaching and were hungry for the Word and Truth. While staring intently at the speaker, they wrote down as much as possible to capture and remember every bit of knowledge shared.

The hardest topic to cover was Forgiveness. How can they forgive someone that has treated them so wrong? Who have killed their family members and destroyed their homes. Who have left them orphans and alone in this world. They questioned and they struggled with this concept, but by the end of the 2-day training they learned that if they do not forgive then they are harming themselves more than the other person. They understand now that this is a fundamental step in living a life with Jesus. That ultimately holding bitterness and unhappiness inside is a burden that we were not meant to carry. Forgiving others, even when they have done you wrong, lifts the burden and weight off you and allows you the opportunity to move forward in God’s intended peace and happiness.

At the end of the conference, many of the students stood up to share their new thoughts and soon to follow actions. The testimonies shared revealed they were ready to forgive their wrong-doer(s) and they were actually excited and ready to embrace their new future. They understood the monumental importance of this action in their personal hearts and minds, and now realize it is an action that will release them from bondage. This is going to be a hard step for each of them, but one that will allow them to move into a new life filled with great hope and new beginnings.

“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have

against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

~ Colossians 3:13

“Be kind and compassionate to one another,

forgive each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

~ Ephesians 4:32

Choosing each day...

Living in a world of unknowns is exciting and leads to many unexpected and great experiences, however, it can be wearisome, isolating, exhausting and down right hard. Over the past few days, I have been consumed with a mind that is fighting against itself...not fun. It truly has felt like a battlefield within my own thoughts, a mental war that I am conscious of but not sure how to stop. I am completely grateful for this amazing opportunity but am also experiencing firsthand the hard times that come from living out of a suitcase in a foreign land. The enemy was attacking, in turn placing a lot of doubt. What am I doing here...What is the purpose...Should I be here...?

After several days of struggling, I realized how much I was focusing inward...on me...my needs...my problems...my longings. Wow, I was so off track. The realization that I should be focusing outward and not inward was the problem. To bring the focus back to God who has brought me here, the One who pulled all of the pieces together to make this opportunity happen, the One who would not change the direction in mid-step is the One that I need to be focusing on each and every step.

It is way too easy to become self-consumed, self-focused and imprisoned in that mind frame. God wants us to live and serve in a joyful manner. He wants us to be happy and prosper! Why is it so hard at times to live and rest in that truth? We have the opportunity of choosing each day if we will wallow in our own perceived suffering and hardships, or be open and accepting of where God leads us and places us. So far, I have found His path far superior to anything I could ever create on my own. Even through the hard times, life is so much more rewarding when we are giving versus receiving. Therefore, I have made a decision to wake up each morning and offer my life to Jesus and ask Him to guide. Where that leads I am not sure, but this choice provides an incredible peace that outweighs the tough times.

“In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said,

‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ”

~ Acts 20:35

I Saw What I Saw...

I realized last night when a good friend sent the funniest email (thank you Jenny!) that it has been a long time since I have had a good laugh. This email was about growing up in a different era and all of the changes that come along with the changes of time. We always heard our parents telling these stories about how hard their life was growing up and how much easier we have it now. Walking uphill for miles to school (both ways!) while it is snowing outside...barefoot.

Well, we are now in that place where we are looking at the new generation and thinking the same thing...who would have thought?! Cell phones, computers, internet, Wii versus the bag phone you used on “special occasions” only, the word processor, no call waiting and the line would just ring busy, etc. While reading the email I started laughing out loud. I mean one of those laughs that comes from the inside and shakes your whole body. It was awesome! So, my realization was how little I have been laughing, I mean the good bend over, holding your stomach, tears coming to your eyes, belly laugh. I have missed laughing!!

Another friend sent a You Tube video of a song by Sara Groves (thank you Chris!), “I Saw What I Saw.” This is a song that was written to display Sara’s feelings while visiting Rwanda. Yes, the pictures and words are all too familiar. Some of her wonderful lyrics that stood out to me are...”Your pain has changed me, your dream inspires. Your face a memory, your hope a fire.” This captures the presence of being in the Great Lakes Region. There is so much poverty, hardship, suffering and these images are everywhere. The true reality of the presence of death is so very great. Truly little children are walking miles, barefoot to bring home small amounts of water for survival. I mean little children...children that would not be allowed more than 10 feet from their parents for fear of safety in the States. These children are walking along main roads where the cars drive fast and reckless.

So, after realizing I am living in this states of being, where I am surrounded with incredible hardship, the need for humor and uplifting moments is so very important. Life without laughter is not a good way to live. There are times to be serious and times of great reflection and realization, however, it is also wonderful to be silly, light-hearted, over joyful and rolling with laughter. It seems harder here to make this a part of everyday life, but the effects of a smile and the internal light that shines with it is very powerful. It helps change darkness to light. “I saw what I saw and I can’t forget it...”

“...in spite of severe suffering, you welcomed the message

with the joy given by the Holy Spirit.”

~ 1 Thessalonians 1:6

“Be joyful always, pray continually;

give thanks in all circumstances,

for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

~ 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Sara Groves, "I Saw What I Saw"

Things are nice, but...

To be home for Thanksgiving and Christmas was just wonderful! It was a time of great thanksgiving and gratitude for all we have, all were are continually given and most importantly what is so dear and all-consuming of my heart is how great the birth of Jesus Christ was and is for us. This was an extra special holiday because of the opportunity to experience Christmas is a whole new light. We are so incredibly blessed and privileged. Even when life is hard, we usually have enough to eat, clean water to drink and a warm place to sleep. Yes, we are blessed, and blessed, and blessed some more!

What I did realize is that with these blessings also comes a responsibility...we need to share the wealth. We are not more deserving. Why we are where we are with what we have, I still do not understand. Other than we carry a heavier burden with the luxuries. It is so easy to get off track and put our hopes and dreams into things, when these things become a huge distraction and start to consume our lives. How wonderful would it be if everyone was able to live a comfortable life? I have actually realized that living with less stuff has lifted a weight off my shoulders. Yes, the things are nice and wonderful to have, but when I had them I was still missing something. There was an internal void, a light that was flickering on the inside that wanted to shine bright but was being smothered by things and the need for more things.

God has given us the opportunity to have a blessed and fortunate life. It has been life changing to realize that that does come with a cost. It is choice to keep these blessings for ourselves or to reach out and share them with a neighbor that is in need. We are all the same, oneness in God, and one is not more deserving than the next. Whether it is through giving time, resources or most importantly love...in our nation or overseas...it will make a difference in someone’s life and in yours also!

“then make my joy complete by being like-minded,

having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit,

but in humility consider others better than yourselves.”

~ Philippians 2:2-3