I Saw What I Saw...

I realized last night when a good friend sent the funniest email (thank you Jenny!) that it has been a long time since I have had a good laugh. This email was about growing up in a different era and all of the changes that come along with the changes of time. We always heard our parents telling these stories about how hard their life was growing up and how much easier we have it now. Walking uphill for miles to school (both ways!) while it is snowing outside...barefoot.

Well, we are now in that place where we are looking at the new generation and thinking the same thing...who would have thought?! Cell phones, computers, internet, Wii versus the bag phone you used on “special occasions” only, the word processor, no call waiting and the line would just ring busy, etc. While reading the email I started laughing out loud. I mean one of those laughs that comes from the inside and shakes your whole body. It was awesome! So, my realization was how little I have been laughing, I mean the good bend over, holding your stomach, tears coming to your eyes, belly laugh. I have missed laughing!!

Another friend sent a You Tube video of a song by Sara Groves (thank you Chris!), “I Saw What I Saw.” This is a song that was written to display Sara’s feelings while visiting Rwanda. Yes, the pictures and words are all too familiar. Some of her wonderful lyrics that stood out to me are...”Your pain has changed me, your dream inspires. Your face a memory, your hope a fire.” This captures the presence of being in the Great Lakes Region. There is so much poverty, hardship, suffering and these images are everywhere. The true reality of the presence of death is so very great. Truly little children are walking miles, barefoot to bring home small amounts of water for survival. I mean little children...children that would not be allowed more than 10 feet from their parents for fear of safety in the States. These children are walking along main roads where the cars drive fast and reckless.

So, after realizing I am living in this states of being, where I am surrounded with incredible hardship, the need for humor and uplifting moments is so very important. Life without laughter is not a good way to live. There are times to be serious and times of great reflection and realization, however, it is also wonderful to be silly, light-hearted, over joyful and rolling with laughter. It seems harder here to make this a part of everyday life, but the effects of a smile and the internal light that shines with it is very powerful. It helps change darkness to light. “I saw what I saw and I can’t forget it...”

“...in spite of severe suffering, you welcomed the message

with the joy given by the Holy Spirit.”

~ 1 Thessalonians 1:6

“Be joyful always, pray continually;

give thanks in all circumstances,

for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

~ 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Sara Groves, "I Saw What I Saw"

Things are nice, but...

To be home for Thanksgiving and Christmas was just wonderful! It was a time of great thanksgiving and gratitude for all we have, all were are continually given and most importantly what is so dear and all-consuming of my heart is how great the birth of Jesus Christ was and is for us. This was an extra special holiday because of the opportunity to experience Christmas is a whole new light. We are so incredibly blessed and privileged. Even when life is hard, we usually have enough to eat, clean water to drink and a warm place to sleep. Yes, we are blessed, and blessed, and blessed some more!

What I did realize is that with these blessings also comes a responsibility...we need to share the wealth. We are not more deserving. Why we are where we are with what we have, I still do not understand. Other than we carry a heavier burden with the luxuries. It is so easy to get off track and put our hopes and dreams into things, when these things become a huge distraction and start to consume our lives. How wonderful would it be if everyone was able to live a comfortable life? I have actually realized that living with less stuff has lifted a weight off my shoulders. Yes, the things are nice and wonderful to have, but when I had them I was still missing something. There was an internal void, a light that was flickering on the inside that wanted to shine bright but was being smothered by things and the need for more things.

God has given us the opportunity to have a blessed and fortunate life. It has been life changing to realize that that does come with a cost. It is choice to keep these blessings for ourselves or to reach out and share them with a neighbor that is in need. We are all the same, oneness in God, and one is not more deserving than the next. Whether it is through giving time, resources or most importantly love...in our nation or overseas...it will make a difference in someone’s life and in yours also!

“then make my joy complete by being like-minded,

having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit,

but in humility consider others better than yourselves.”

~ Philippians 2:2-3

God IS that BIG...

Please forgive me for being out of touch over the last few months. After returning from Africa in mid-November, I was in a land of unknown and felt like I was caught between two different worlds. And in hindsight I was... Life in Africa is very different from the United States and to be honest I was foggy in the mind while trying to re-acclimate to a land that I call home yet felt so unfamiliar with. My thoughts and feeling were changing each hour as I tried to process all I had experienced, therefore, I did not write because I believed my thoughts to be too scattered to make sense. Looking back, I am sorry I just stopped but if I had put into writing what I was feeling it would have been coming from a place of uncertainty and cloudiness.

After spending much time resting and sharing with friends the experiences I had while abroad, God started speaking to my heart again. Yes, I started longing to be back in Africa, feeling that my time in Africa was not yet finished. This was a feeling that was not as strong or clear as the first time, but it was an unexplainable nudge that just would not leave my heart and mind. This was a new experience for me because when the opportunity presented itself to come over previously, it was a very clear direction without any question. God had opened the doors and I felt certain I was suppose to walk through them.

This time was different in the fact that it was not as clear, or God was not speaking as loud, which tested my walk in regards to faith versus sight. After realizing that He would not always make Himself or the direction crystal clear, and at times I would be called to take steps when there is not always a clear direction other than moving toward the open doors God has put in my path. After committing my life and future back into His hands and praying for His guidance to open the doors He wanted me to move through and to close the doors He did not, once again He had the opportunity to reveal Himself in a very BIG way!

Low and behold, God brought everything together in His record timing and I left within 4 days of finding out that the doors were indeed open. Yes, the great provisions God provided for this return to Africa has given me the blessed assurance that this is His will. I will say taking these steps has allowed Him to reveal His greatness in mighty ways. I know if I would not have been willing to take these next steps, then I would have prevented God from showing Himself in such BIG ways! I realized I am the one who prevents Him from working in my life in an audacious way. I am the hurdle. God is that big and will give us the strength and courage to follow Him if we are willing!

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make your paths straight.”

~ Proverbs 3:5-6

He Goes On Ahead...

Streams in the Desert ~ January 14th Devotional

Written by L.B. Cowman

“When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them.” ~ John 10:4

This is intensely difficult work for Him and us - it is difficult for us to go, but equally difficult for Him to cause us pain. Yet it must be done. It would not be in our best interest to always remain in one happy and comfortable location. Therefore He moves us forward. The shepherd leaves the fold so the sheep will move on to the vitalizing mountain slopes. In the same way, laborers must be driven out into the harvest, or else the golden grain would spoil.

But take heart! It could never be better to stay once He determines otherwise; if the loving hand of our Lord moves us forward, it must be best. Forward, in His name, to green pastures, quiet waters, and mountain heights! (See Psalm 23:2) “He goes on ahead of [us].” So whatever awaits us is encountered first by Him, and the eye of faith can always discern His majestic presence out in front. When His presence cannot be seen, it is dangerous to move ahead. Comfort your heart with the fact that the Savior has Himself experienced all trials He asks you to endure; He would not ask you to pass through them unless He was sure that the paths were not too difficult or strenuous for you.

This is the blessed life - not anxious to see far down the road nor overly concerned about the next step, not eager to choose the path nor weighted down with the heavy responsibilities of the future, but quietly following the Shepherd, one step at a time.

The oriental shepherd always walked ahead of his sheep. He was always out in front. Any attack upon the sheep had to take him into account first. Now God is out in front. He is in our tomorrows, and it is tomorrow that fills people with fear. Yet God is already there. All the tomorrows of our life have to pass through Him before that can get to us. F.B. Meyer

God is in every tomorrow, Therefore I live for today,

Certain of finding at sunrise, Guidance and strength for my way;

Power for each moment of weakness, Hope for each moment of pain,

Comfort for every sorrow, Sunshine and joy after rain.

This devotional was given to me by a dear friend on our mission trip to DR Congo in January 2010. The team was getting ready to return to the States and I was continuing on to another location in eastern Congo. It was a very last minute decision to meet Dr. Celestin Musekura with ALARM in Goma, Congo and spend an additional week with the organization in order to learn more about their mission and focus for serving in East Africa. This was the beginning of the wonderful opportunity to serve with ALARM and my faith walk in Africa.

While in Beni, I was still uncertain as to how I was going to travel from Beni to Butembo (2 hour drive in eastern Congo) in order to catch my flight to Goma. I was trusting in God to provide, which was being pushed to the final hour. It was Friday morning when Kasey gave me this devotional to read. The team was leaving the next morning and I was to stay on in Beni for 2 additional nights (not yet knowing where I would be staying) and then traveling to Butembo for the flight (which was still undecided as to how I would be traveling there). Eastern Congo is known for conflict and being an unstable environment. Needless to say, I was walking in faith but time was getting very limited. I was beginning to feel a bit anxious and concerned, and that is when this devotional was given to me...perfect timing! Yes, He goes on ahead of us!!!

After reading this devotional and releasing some suppressed emotion, I came full circle back to how BIG our God is. I found security and peace in these words and the verse John 10:4. After breakfast, we as a group headed to the American missionaries‘ home (a group of 7 individuals serving at UCBC - the Bilingual Christian University in Beni, Congo). We had planned to take a pleasant and scenic walk through the bush to the University. This would be our last visit to the University on this trip. While at their home, the missionaries on the ground offered me a place to stay the 2 extra nights I would be in Beni. Yes, a safe haven to rest before the next portion of the trip. Later, I see that having had this time to spend with the missionaries was a part of the bigger plan. For they conveyed their feelings, the ups and downs, the hardships and rewards, the sacrifices and the benefits. I was able to get a good feel for life on the field, a first-hand experience for what might be waiting ahead. Preparation for the future in a very subtle and unplanned manner.

Just a few hours later when we had reached the University for our final visit, a Congolese man serving with UCBC came up to me and out of the clear blue asked how I was getting to Butembo. Telling him I did not know and could he put me in contact with a driver, he then offered to personally escort me on the 2 hour drive to make sure the travel was smooth and safe. Yes, all provisions were covered and in a manner that far exceeded my expectations. Much bigger and better than I could have asked for or imagined!

I am still learning to not put restrictions around the enormity of God’s work and power. At times, I know I still put Him in a box, then I am shown His greatness. Each time learning and realizing more and more how Great He Is!!! This is a devotional that continues to encourage me to move forward, trust in the Lord and have faith that He goes before us! It is so very true and provides me so much comfort and peace!!! I hope it does for you too! Baraka!

Trying Times...

It has been a few weeks since I have written, mainly due to the fact that I have not known how to put into words the hard time I have been experiencing. I have tried to sort it out in my mind; the reason for the struggle, why times are tough now and not before, how to carry on when I have little energy or desire and feeling like everything going through my mind is the opposite of how I want to be viewing circumstances, people, behaviors and issues. Ugh...is the best way to put it. This time has not been easy and I have definitely been confronted head on with the hardships of leaving a familiar environment, family and friends, comforts of all kinds and a much easier life. Yes, it is tough and the smooth road I was experiencing for about 3 months became much harder.

After returning from Uganda, I was completely exhausted; mentally, emotionally and physically. I did not realize the need for rest at that point and continued on when I should have taken time off. I have realized my love for field work (being hands-on), but I have also realized it is work that is incredibly taxing and difficult. The rewards are countless while the personal impact is undeniable. Maybe there will come a time when one adjusts to the ups and downs of the realities you are faced with and are able to cope better. Needless to say, rest is needed and time to process the experiences is a must.

However, there was no rest and after a few short days in the office I had the wonderful opportunity to meet the Forest Hill team in Bujumbura, Burundi. Yes, God’s perfect timing! To see familiar faces and get many hugs, smiles, lots of laughter and goodies from home was just wonderful. After being nervous that I was not in a strong place to provide the kind of energy and enthusiasm to the team that I would have liked, I realized that what I thought I needed to be for them was not God’s plan. The team turned out to be an incredible support to me and an encouragement that came at the perfect time. Each of the members were like little angels sent from Heaven to help provide strength and support to continue this walk. Their love, compassion, kindness and humility was incredible to witness and be a part of. God is faithful and provided, at the right moment, a big blessing from home in the form of 18 wonderful brothers and sisters in Christ.

There were so many precious moments during the week, but to see each team persevere and embrace times when they were tested with unforeseen hurdles, adapt to the unfamiliarities of everything and in the end rejoice about the curveballs that seemed to be numerous was just awesome! To see God work in and through each person in different ways and through different circumstances, truly all glory goes to Him. Nothing and no one could have fit the pieces together and have them fall into place the way each moment came together for the 4 individual team and the group as a whole. Personally, my most special time was hearing Pastor David Chadwick teach the local pastors at the Pastoral Leadership Training Institute (PLTI). It felt like such a blessing and privilege to have the time to just sit and listen...and of course, the subjects taught just happened to be exactly what I needed to hear.

Another extra special time was the ground-breaking ceremony for the new David Chadwick Reconciliation Center in Bujumbura. The pastors from the PLTI were there and to hear them sing, worship and praise the Lord for what is to come was incredibly moving. Their gratitude for the center, the joyful smiles on their faces and the praise in their voices brought home the importance of this center to their community. To know that the donations Forest Hill Church received during the Christmas Eve Service last year will change the lives of so many in the future, is watching first-hand the fruit of the Lord multiply. It really reinforces that not matter how small you feel like you are contributing and possibly wondering if it makes a difference, when we work together and combine our efforts, the way God expands and multiplies our “givings” is astounding.

As I left the team in the Nairobi airport, I did not feel homesick or a longing to return to the US with them. I knew in my heart that my time is not finished here. I still do not have clarity as to the direction and where God plans for me to be in the future, but I am now experiencing both sides of the spectrum as to how living in Africa has its ups and downs. Life has been very difficult over the past several weeks and it is still a struggle, but I also know that God is with me and is using these trials for His overall purpose. I am trying once again to embrace each moment instead of resisting and even at times rejecting. Yes, it is a very different way of life here and the adjustments required are endless.

“But those who hope in the Lord

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.”

~ Isaiah 40:31

Anything but strong...

Over the past few days I have been struggling to stay strong, and have realized that maybe that is just what I should not be doing...staying strong all the time. The time here has been great but very trying also. The distance of being away from home, away from family and friends, away from a strong support system, away from the little luxuries of a much easier life, have really been weighing heavy on my mind. I am missing all of these things...greatly. A lot of the emotion I have held inside and blocked from expressing, so I could keep going, is now pouring out. Yesterday on the flight to Burundi, I was super teary. I believe I have not allowed myself to feel the negative part of moving away from everything familiar. I have embraced all of the unfamiliar things with a positive attitude and joyful outlook...and I have realized this only lasts so long. Yes, this has been a wonderful experience, yet a hard road to travel, and right now I am feeling anything but strong. I am having to really put my last bit of strength in the Lord and His will on my life...it is not easy and I am learning, again, it is a moment by moment choice.

“For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord,

‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you,

plans to give you hope and a future.”

~ Jeremiah 29:11