It has been a few weeks since I have written, mainly due to the fact that I have not known how to put into words the hard time I have been experiencing. I have tried to sort it out in my mind; the reason for the struggle, why times are tough now and not before, how to carry on when I have little energy or desire and feeling like everything going through my mind is the opposite of how I want to be viewing circumstances, people, behaviors and issues. Ugh...is the best way to put it. This time has not been easy and I have definitely been confronted head on with the hardships of leaving a familiar environment, family and friends, comforts of all kinds and a much easier life. Yes, it is tough and the smooth road I was experiencing for about 3 months became much harder.
After returning from Uganda, I was completely exhausted; mentally, emotionally and physically. I did not realize the need for rest at that point and continued on when I should have taken time off. I have realized my love for field work (being hands-on), but I have also realized it is work that is incredibly taxing and difficult. The rewards are countless while the personal impact is undeniable. Maybe there will come a time when one adjusts to the ups and downs of the realities you are faced with and are able to cope better. Needless to say, rest is needed and time to process the experiences is a must.
However, there was no rest and after a few short days in the office I had the wonderful opportunity to meet the Forest Hill team in Bujumbura, Burundi. Yes, God’s perfect timing! To see familiar faces and get many hugs, smiles, lots of laughter and goodies from home was just wonderful. After being nervous that I was not in a strong place to provide the kind of energy and enthusiasm to the team that I would have liked, I realized that what I thought I needed to be for them was not God’s plan. The team turned out to be an incredible support to me and an encouragement that came at the perfect time. Each of the members were like little angels sent from Heaven to help provide strength and support to continue this walk. Their love, compassion, kindness and humility was incredible to witness and be a part of. God is faithful and provided, at the right moment, a big blessing from home in the form of 18 wonderful brothers and sisters in Christ.
There were so many precious moments during the week, but to see each team persevere and embrace times when they were tested with unforeseen hurdles, adapt to the unfamiliarities of everything and in the end rejoice about the curveballs that seemed to be numerous was just awesome! To see God work in and through each person in different ways and through different circumstances, truly all glory goes to Him. Nothing and no one could have fit the pieces together and have them fall into place the way each moment came together for the 4 individual team and the group as a whole. Personally, my most special time was hearing Pastor David Chadwick teach the local pastors at the Pastoral Leadership Training Institute (PLTI). It felt like such a blessing and privilege to have the time to just sit and listen...and of course, the subjects taught just happened to be exactly what I needed to hear.
Another extra special time was the ground-breaking ceremony for the new David Chadwick Reconciliation Center in Bujumbura. The pastors from the PLTI were there and to hear them sing, worship and praise the Lord for what is to come was incredibly moving. Their gratitude for the center, the joyful smiles on their faces and the praise in their voices brought home the importance of this center to their community. To know that the donations Forest Hill Church received during the Christmas Eve Service last year will change the lives of so many in the future, is watching first-hand the fruit of the Lord multiply. It really reinforces that not matter how small you feel like you are contributing and possibly wondering if it makes a difference, when we work together and combine our efforts, the way God expands and multiplies our “givings” is astounding.
As I left the team in the Nairobi airport, I did not feel homesick or a longing to return to the US with them. I knew in my heart that my time is not finished here. I still do not have clarity as to the direction and where God plans for me to be in the future, but I am now experiencing both sides of the spectrum as to how living in Africa has its ups and downs. Life has been very difficult over the past several weeks and it is still a struggle, but I also know that God is with me and is using these trials for His overall purpose. I am trying once again to embrace each moment instead of resisting and even at times rejecting. Yes, it is a very different way of life here and the adjustments required are endless.
“But those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.”
~ Isaiah 40:31
